The story started way back in my sophomore year, probably one of the purposes of creating this blog was this. I was always looking for the answer and slowly I figured that the more I learn about anything in this world, the more wimpish I get. I get concerned about everything. The carefulness became the cowardliness. Sometimes I thought the world was against me, but now I think there is something wrong with me.
I had to go to the Registrar's office today to change something on my record. It was busy as usual and people were calling to get waiver forms and other matters. Then I saw a guy who was sitting on a couch, waiting and crying. He looked familiar but couldn't figure out where I saw him. I was standing there until one lady came up to me and told me if I was being helped but I told her I could wait since that guy was there first. While I was being helped next to him, I accidentally eavesdropped the conversation. Apparently he couldn't pay his tuition and the lady couldn't find a reasonable solution. He left the room, depressed, and I felt so sad that I couldn't offer him any help.
Hours later, I realized two of my friends left Accounting major to other subjects. They liked their change and they accepted the change. I, on the other hand who had this question for over two years now, have not made my mind and keep circling around the major. When one of my friends asked me why did I not change, I said "I do not have enough courage to do so." It was the moment I finally accepted my cowardliness.
After my class, I had to go work so I was waiting to get my ticket. Two people asked me for money. (FYI: I know what to do, but I was too distracted by them. If you know me well, I do not make any "unnecessary" spending.) I had to get my ticket, so I gave a man 2 dollars and an old lady a dollar. The gentleman (yes, I said it) bought his ticket as he said and took the train. The lady, however, kept asking to others. She asked me again, seemed to not recognize me, and I firmly said no. She went downstairs and bought herself a cup of coffee and a doughnut. She came up and asked people around. I was extremely mad, even though it was a dollar, and simply annoyed why the NJ transit ticket office people were not there today. My anger peaked until I was about to call police or someone, but I had no legal excuse to do so. I got on my train minutes later and made myself a promise to get a good job and never become like her.
There were more ups and downs afterward today, but it was extremely tired for me. Even though I took winter class past few weeks, it was better than today. I came back and ate my dinner as usual. I watched the show I always watch. Then I started to listen some music. My eyes were teary at some point. I was screaming inside and asked myself why I can't grow up and be more courageous. Maybe, because I know too much, I make so much scenarios of 'what's going to happen next' which hinder me from doing anything. Like an average high school student, the only thing I'm doing is following the schedule I made or what an "expected" undergrad does. When I made my mind, something unexpected hits me behind my back and calls itself a surprise. At this moment, it's not a learning process. Because, the first day of the spring semester just started and I cannot consume too much at one moment.
(Kim Bum Soo - I Miss You, Live) Source here
Copyright 2013. Written by Timetaler. Video extracted from YouTube. I do not own anything about the video. If there is any issue regarding my writing, please contact me. (FYI: I took Business Law I, so don't mess up with me.)