My first love came around when I was six or seven. I went to a preschool and I saw a boy who was one year older than me. I liked him so much but I was too shy to talk to him. Then, I went to the elementary school (or grade school for better understanding) a year earlier so I basically went to the school same time as that boy. It was coincident when we got into same grade and he started to notice me. I was really small and he was about a hand taller than me. This difference actually made a pretty good turnout; our home was same direction, so he hold my hand and always walked with me until we saw our moms. The whole year, when I felt bit uncomfortable among one-year-older classmates, I didn't feel afraid because of him. Apparently, my teacher didn't like me in the first time because of other kids jealousy and hatred toward me. But I studied really hard and almost aced all the exams. I still remember some of the grammar errors I got wrong from that year and I still don't make those mistakes anymore. My teacher was proud of me at the end, and my mom told me years later what my teacher told her. ("I could see why you wanted to send her a school earlier." -- but where's my knowledge and will power? Hmm.) It was a shinning year for me and for him (I hope so). The next year, we got separated and next thing I heard was that he moved to America and never been heard again.
(Would he still miss me?)
My second love lasted longer than I thought. That was when I realized what it meant by "like someone". My ex-boyfriend, who is still a year older than me, gave me a couple's ring and a card said "I like you the best in the world". I think I still have the card and the ring, but from my last memories, the ring does not fit me anymore. There were ups and downs because now everyone knew about it. In my first year, there was a boy who made fun of me for no reason and I hated him so much. At some point I ignored him so much, which probably pissed him off. (I still don't know if he intentionally tried to bring my attention to him or simply was mischievous.) This time, the whole class was involved and girls always asked me how I felt. But this one did not last after we were separated into different classes. I saw him time to time later in middle school, but I heard as a "rumor" that he became a playboy after a girl after me dumped him.
My recent and the third one did not last well. Simply because the timing of both of us was not synchronized. He was too shy and I really wanted to go out with him. I even stayed up the night before Valentine's Day to make a box of chocolate. I cared about him so much but he liked another girl. After numerous heart-broken episodes, I decided to end with him after a month we went out. And that was my sad story. There were girls who asked me why we didn't go out together anymore and wanted to know more, which I think it's stupid because they were not even nice to me when we were in the class and besides they belittled everyone for anything as if they were "cool". That one was a disaster, and "luckily" I lost all of their contacts.
(If you didn't like me that much, why did you go out with me in the first place?)
After those incidents, I developed a "boy/guy/male-phobia" that I cannot talk to them easily. It was until my freshman year of college when I finally started to have friends who are guy and not feel burdened to talk to them. Now I want to have the same courage as I did way back into my time. Is the first kiss will be awesome? (Will there be fireworks or bell ringing? Haha, just joking.) But I am an old-fashioned, Cinderella or whatever-the-classic-fairy-tales-like girl. I somewhat believe in soul mates. I am ready, my soul mate. Where are you now?
(Natasha Bedingfield - Soulmate MV)
Copyright 2013. Written by Timetaler. Sources of pictures and videos in order: